Play: Camping Trip (v2)

Hey there! I managed to edit my old version and change some things written in pink on my script-like paper version in Kronzer's font style called "Whitsitsei" (What's it say). But in all seriousness, I did review what she wrote when I understood it all, and implemented some of her tips.

If you found this out of random,
I suggest reading my first version here.

So, without further ado, here's my second version. A third version may or may not be published, depending on how much time I have and if I can come up with extra ideas to implement. However, it has to stay around 10 minutes, so a third version may not come out.

Or will it...

My second version:

______

A father and son are going on a camping trip in late November. Andrew, the father, is forcing his drug-addict son, Joseph, to come on this trip. They start off in the opening scene in a parked car.

Joseph

[in a groan] Dad, why do we have to go camping? It’s gonna be an awful week and you made me leave my ‘stash at home.

Andrew

I made you leave it at home, because Nicole and I love you, and if you die from overdose, we'll have no entertainment. [He winks, while Joseph gives a dirty look] Besides, I bet you wanna spend some time with your old man, to get to know where you're really coming from.

Joseph

[Joseph snorts]

Old man is an understatement…

Andrew

What did you say? I didn't quite catch that over the heavy breathing and coughing. Oh wait, that was last night.

Joseph

I said: old man is an understatement, jerk...

[Joseph pulls out his cell phone out of his right pocket and starts texting friends]

Andrew

[Andrew ignores his son’s comment, snatches the cell phone and shoves it in his own left pocket]

This is a father-son trip, so I don’t want you to use, look, think, or even think about thinking about using your phone, got it? We’ll have a great time.

[Joseph snorts]

They arrive at the camping ground at dusk and park in a small area covered in dirt. To the right, a crude sign that reads “Camp here” leans against a slightly charred evergreen. There’re a few tied up black garbage bags partially hidden by a group of trees. An awful smell emits from them. In the clearing, old, dirty sleeping bags and a ripped up tent are set up around a smoldering fire.

Joseph

What the hell is this?! This is like a murder scene! There’s no way I’m staying here for a whole week. I’d rather hitchhike with a pedophile then stay in this wasteland you call a camping ground.

Andrew

Relax, you’ll have a great time. Besides, this was the cheapest area I could rent. The Italian-looking fellow practically begged me to rent it. Someday, when you learn the value of a dollar, you’ll see me as wise for finding a luxurious camping ground like this for only $5 a day. And how'd you not see the camping ground? We've been sitting in that car for 10 minutes.

Joseph

Well, I found a little something in my pocket.. [He grins, but quickly replaces it to a casual face when he notices his father glaring at him. He approaches the camping ground]

[Joseph pulls on the sign labeled “Camp here” and it comes apart in his hands]

You’ve gotta be kidding. [He reaches into his pocket] I’ll give you $50 if we can just go home. I bet they use this spot for nuclear missile testing, because there’s not a soul for miles. And if there’s any around, they’re in those garbage bags.

Andrew

This will help you build character. Now help me clear out these tents and sleeping bags so we can set up our own. We’ll have a blast, just wait and see. [He approaches the used equipment]

Joseph

[Joseph tugs on the tent, giving it several more rips before throwing it away]
Dad, it's raining.

Andrew

[Andrew throws away the last sleeping bag and turns to Joseph]

Don’t just stand there then. Grab the tent out of the trunk and start setting it up. I’ll grab the sleeping bags.

[Joseph gives an irritated sigh and heads to the trunk of the car]

All you need is a smart remark, and we’re in business.

Joseph

Sorry dad. But why couldn’t Crazy Uncle Larry go camping with you? He loves the woods.

Andrew

[Andrew joins Joseph at the trunk and starts to pull out a sleeping bag]

Because we can’t find him, and there’s a warrant for his arrest.

Joseph

Just because he threatened his boss with a stapler and called his boss’ assistant a b**** for giving him a good review about a bad movie?

Andrew

[Andrew pauses for moment and looks to Joseph]

Well, he didn’t just threaten his boss… [He pulls out one sleeping bags and makes his way to setting it near the fire pit]

Joseph

[Joseph pauses until he remembers the story]

There’s nothing wrong with stalking people though. Just because he kept a file about his boss’ addresses, list of old wives and their numbers and addresses, his eating habits, what he was allergic to, what his daughters’ names are, who he’s seeing right now, his bad eyesight, his car and license plate number, where he went on vacation and which prostitute he brought with him, drugs he’s taking, how he killed his last wife and how he blamed his illegal Hispanic maid, where exactly he keeps everything at his desk, the fact that he’s left handed, his favourite movies, what exactly he has on his iPod, how much he paid for 3 doughnuts, 7 pencils, and a bundle of printer paper on a random Thursday afternoon, and knowing that they both share the same psychologist makes him a threat to society?

Andrew

[Andrew glares at Joseph]

You do know that it’s illegal and you can be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, right?

Joseph

[Joseph looks to his dad with a confused look spread across his face]

In English, dad.

Andrew

[Andrew rolls his eyes and heads back to the trunk to grab the other sleeping bag]

[he enunciates each word] You go to jail. Joe, how’d you even pass English?

Joseph

[Joseph looks away as he begins to set up the tent]

[in a not-caring voice] Who said I passed English...

The rain becomes hail

Andrew

[Andrew frantically searches the trunk for umbrellas, but doesn’t find any. A frown spreads across his face]

[in a loud voice] What was that son?

Joseph

I said: The hail is so strong that we should just go home. [He runs over to his dad, but slips in the fresh mud and is pelted a few times from the hail before finding his balance, standing back up, and finishing his quick journey to his dad] Dad, did you remember to pack First Aid, umbrellas, ponchos and maybe a tarp?

Andrew

Of course I did... [short pause] … but I think I packed it in the wrong bag. This one holds… well, nothing really important… [He walks away with a few deep coughs]

Joseph

Wait, what’s in there? [He points to the bag Andrew indicated.]

Andrew

[Andrew avoids the question]

So, do you know when you’ll be going over to see your mom? [He pulls out a Diet Coke from the cooler and takes a few sips.]

Joseph

[Joseph begins to unzip the duffel bag]

When she stops nagging me. [He carefully pulls out the contents of the bag.] Dad, why is there a shovel in this bag?

Andrew

[Andrew belches]

Oh, that? Well, your old man is kind to the environment. So every year, I help plant potted saplings in these very woods.

Joseph

[Joseph blinks in disbelief]

Dad, I’m not as dumb as people think. Sure, maybe I wrote on my Math test that 2+4=2, or that I thought an Acronym was a type of bird, or even the time that I tried cooking and the fire marshal came to supervise it, but I know that the only time you ever go outside is to shovel the driveway, grab the mail, and curse down the Emo kid that lives down the street; all of which you tell me to do now. What’s this really for?

The hail stops

Andrew

[Andrew now wears a serious look upon his face]

I’m here to bury Uncle Larry, Joseph. He died a couple days ago and he’s lying in the black garbage bag behind the warped evergreens.

Joseph

[Joseph wipes his expression off his face and replaces it with remorse]

Dad… I’m sorry. I didn’t know he died. What’d he die from?

Andrew

He was at a cheap Canadian bar, the bartender gave him the wrong beer he asked for, and unknowingly stumbled into the back room of a brothel, where he unknowingly was injected with Heroin.

[Joseph begins to tear up]

[Andrew begins to raise his voice] It's the world's scum that does this to people!

[Joseph begins to cry]

Do you want to be responsible for the deaths of other people from your own ignorance?! [Andrew is practically shouting at this point] Do you?!

[Joseph's crying is very noticable as he cries spastically, gasping for air, only to cry more.]

Joseph

And I didn't even know that Canadians served Heroin with soup...

[after regaining his composure] Dad, I’ve never said this before to you, Mom, Nicole, my therapist, your other ex-wife that stole half your money, or the 7 scared-straight councilors, but for Crazy Uncle Larry, I vow to stop with the meth and the coke. Uncle Larry didn’t deserve to die, except when he deserved it.

[Andrew secretly rolls his eyes at his last comment, but quickly changes his face back serious]

Andrew

Perhaps you should pay your respects before we dump out his rotting body and bury it.

Joseph

[Without saying a word, he nods and slowly walks over to the black bags]

I’m so sorry, Uncle Larry. You were a good man, put into an awful situation from border-line depression and forced from your livelihood into a world that only half accepts mentally unstable people like you.

As Joseph wraps up his somewhat awkward Eulogy, the garbage bag explodes, revealing a healthy, slightly slimy human being, known by Joseph as Uncle Larry. Joseph, caught off-guard, tumbles backward, falling butt-first into a small hole and lets out a scream.

Joseph

[Speechless, although has much to say]

Uncle Larry, what the hell?! I thought you were dead!
[Joseph continues to try and catch his breath as he allows Uncle Larry to answer]

Uncle Larry

[UL calmly dusts himself off]

This is an intervention, little Joe. Your father contacted me earlier in the week that you were having a drug problem, so I came to scare the s*** out of you!

Joseph

Two words: Mission accomplished…

Andrew

[Andrew embraces UL]

Thanks for meeting us here, Larry. I’m glad that something finally worked.

Joseph

So, Uncle Larry was lying about his whole life just so you could get me off drugs?

Uncle Larry

Correct. I knew that someday, a kid like you hanging out with the stoners would eventually get caught with dope. Now that you know, I can finally return to your Aunt Mildred. God knows that she's more worried than Brittney Spears at the Clinic. She's as worried as John McCain at the clinic. But she's happier than Michael Phelps at a party, and that's what's important to me. Catch you later, sport.

Uncle Larry takes off, into the cold, evergreen-covered landscape. Andrew heads to the car, with Joseph right on his heels.

Andrew

Oh, I almost forgot. [He reaches into his pocket and pulls out Joseph’s cell phone] I’m guessing you want this for the ride home. We weren’t really going camping – I have to go to work tomorrow.

Joseph

[Joseph studies the phone before refusing it via appropriate hand gestures]

No thanks Dad. I can just listen to the radio on the way home.

And with that, Andrew revs up the car. When realizing that the radio was playing “Hit Me Baby One More Time”, Andrew starts singing to the female voice, and Joseph sings with him.